Reasons and feeling
by Gillesinlove
Summary: Translation of my french fan fic "Raisons et sentiments". Take place after the kiss in the 3x13. First english fan fic, take a shot!


_**Hello everybody,**_

_**So this is my first fan fic in english. I'm a french author who enjoy write Castle's stories. English is not my mother language, first french, second italian and then english. I am actually writing the 82th chapter in french. But I want to try in english. If my expression is too bad, please guys let me know and I will give up the idea. So here you can find the first the chapter.**_

_**This story take place after the episode 13 season 3. **_

_**Hope it is not so bad. Reviews and thoughts are appreciated. **_

_**Reasons and feelings**_

_**Chapter one,**_

_**Richard,**_

What a case I was thinking going back home. I needed to rest, but had preferred to walk in order to review of all that happened. Kate and I had progressed concerning the mystery surrounding his mother death. All the cases were intense, but since the case was very personal all the emotions were expressed and felt at their highest point. I retraced the moments that had happened. I was crazy in love of this woman and it was becoming impossible for me now to hide it. It was not just the kiss, although it was very compelling to create a diversion. It was everything. But I should not be surprised, I knew from the first day we met.

Of course I had never been insensitive to this perfect physique, this look, but there was more. So much more. She was provocative, sarcastic. Detective Beckett walled up behind a fragile sternly aloof. That I had understood. All this contributed to what I began writing Nikki Heat novels. Through my friendship with the mayor I could follow her on the police investigations. But as I told earlier to my mother, it was not about the books anymore.

Now I remembered the kiss in slow motion. It was a diversion, but there was something else. In the moments when two people are fighting, kissing or making love they file their masks and show their true colors. And here, in this exchange I felt complicity, passion, desire. Kate was not the first woman I kissed, but it was different. Certainly, because I had never felt such feelings maybe except for Kyra but I do not remember such intensity. And Kate, she resisted me. Only the context was not good, we were just trying to fool the guard. Thinking back to that kiss, I closed my eyes and I was able to remind me the exact feeling of Kate's lips on mine. Maybe I dreamed it but I seem to heard her moan as I kissed her more passionately than before. This cry came out of her and was not intended to the guard. I managed my kiss that Kate finally drops her control. When that time too short finished, my mouth was on fire. As in my first kiss I thought "I'll never wash me again" to keep this piece of Kate.

- Good evening Mister Castle.

Taken in my thoughts, I did not realize was that I had arrived. This was the greeting of the guard who pulled me out of my day dream.

- Good evening Michael.

I was finally home as exhausted by the recent events than excited by my thoughts focused on Kate Beckett. In the living room, I found happiness with the other two women of my life Martha and Alexis on the couch. As usual Martha was having a glass of wine.

- How is Kate? they asked in unison.

- Well, you know Beckett she does not want to let it show. Say that the moments were tense, but she finally advanced into Johanna's murder.

- You seem weird dad, called me Alexis.

- I am just exhausted sweetie.

- Shall we ate? Martha suggested.

- Good idea, I replied.

I tried somehow to participate at this moment of comfort with my two beauties, but Beckett was in my mind, in my skin. Alexis and Martha were not fool and were conscious that I was absorbed in something else. But they preferred to leave me alone and wait for me to share my thoughts. Alexis leaved us saying good night after helped us with the dishes, she had to get up early tomorrow. I was with my mother in the kitchen.

- I love her mother.

- It is not a breaking new kiddo!

- But I never tell you...

- I have always known.

- It's been a moment that I think, but then this time it was different. I thought I was going to lose her several times. She is vulnerable, she needs someone by her side.

- But Richard you were with her.

- Yes, but I am not close enough. We are partners, friends, she told me a lot - more than her boyfriend I thought inwardly mocking... I kissed her.

- How so? Finally, it is not too early, she exclaimed, raising her arms in victory.

- Focus mother, it was a diversion.

- Ah, you were faking? she asked, looking forward to more details.

- Not me, and I do not think she was, I say blushing.

- So what's the problem Richard? move up over her ...

- There is more than one problem: first she is with Josh and then she is not ready.

- And where is the famous Josh?

- He is in Africa saving the world and rescuing children.

- She needs him at least as much theses children.

- Trust me mother, if one day I have the luck to be with Kate Beckett, I will never leave her... 

- Were you able to talk about this with her?

- No, we were in the heat of the moment and we were trying to save Ryan and Esposito. Once the guard had looked away through our ploy Kate attacked from behind. No sooner had her lips left mine the other guy was already on the ground, what a woman ... I said thoughtfully.

- Richard you have to tell her this, you owe her sincerity.

- I will wait until she is ready. Good night mother.

- Good night kiddo, she said, shaking my hand as I touched her on the shoulder.

I headed to my room, but I would not find sleep. I kept thinking about Detective Beckett and this certainly does not help me to calm me down. How would it be? We talked while in the ambulance. But something happened between us, something chemical and I did not know how and what she felt. I slept with the image of Beckett's body that I finally touched during our diversion. The next day I heard "Richard? "

- Kate?

- No, sorry kiddo, it is only me your dear mother.

- Something is wrong?

- Kate is on the phone, she is waiting for you at the station, you have a case, she told me through the handset.

- Hey Beckett, I'll be right there.

_Kate,_

This was the long awaited moment. I arrived home. Coming back from the jail, I jumped in an Italian caterer to bring dinner. I put my things and went to the kitchen to heat up the risotto took a few moments earlier. While it was in the oven, I opened a bottle of wine and poured me a drink. Being supported at the sink, my eyes fell upon the flowers that Castle had offered me. "Castle ... "I said to myself internally.

I wore a glass of wine near my lips, "Castle ... "I repeat myself, finally setting the glass and instinctively pinching my lower lip. I do not even remember if I thanked the writer of what he had done for me. He had saved me from death taking an undue risk, he was with me for some time now, he never wanted to leave me on the case even though I was excluded from the case and that the case was over part of the research he undertook for his books. "Castle ... "I thought again.

Since he entered my life, I had felt gradually change. My job was difficult and the escapades of the writer allowed me to see things differently. He pushed me to open myself and was able to read my mind better than anyone else. It is thanks to him that I was overcome with grief by reading the bets-selling Storm. He was the one to reopened my mother's case, against my will and risking our relationship. He had thought of my interest before his own and that ignoring the potential impacts. He was the one who paid $ 100,000 to get in touch with the hitman who had been hired to kill my mother twelve years ago. And it was naturally to him natural that I went today after Raglan's. And it was at him that I showed my research in my apartment

"Castle who are you for me?", I say out loud grabbing my glass of wine. He was my partner and my friend for sure, and the recent events confirmed this. But was he more ? What I really felt for him? I saw him today, in my apartment not trying to invent a crazy theory but helping me. He was really helpful , I did not say to him but having him by my side was reassuring . I remembered the concern I saw in his eyes in the cafe at the time of the shooting, he thought that I was hurt. Then I saw the rise strategy for diversion, while I pretended to be drunked, he was holding me. His strong and protective hand fell on my hip. The guard did not seem fooled and advanced towards us with a scowl.

While I was going to take my weapon Castle had suddenly took my hand , maybe he had seen something. Then putting his hand on my cheek , he looked at me intensely and he pulled me closer to him. He stared at me with his big blue eyes and kissed me. I did not immediately understand what was happening to me. When our lips were parted I looked, I was stunned, he was still staring at me so intensely. Then I responded to that kiss seeing that the guard was approaching us more dangerously. My senses were packed. This hug was fictitious, a diversion, but what I felt was real. But I had to continue to monitor the behavior of the guard. I put my hand on Castle's Castle, his were in my hair. His kiss made me a lot of effect, pulling me even a moan of pleasure. My glances to the guard were rarer, but having seen him away I left Castle's mouth and attacked from behind the guard. Being back I could sigh to evacuate the state in which that kiss put me. I heard Castle say "that was amazing" and add before my eyes meet hers "the way get him." In half a breath I said "let's go." " Castle ... " - I repeat moistening my lips thoughtfully.

The ringing of my phone pulled me suddenly out of my dream. Grabbing my cell I saw on the "Josh" on the screen. I was not absolutely in the mood to take that call, my thoughts were fixed on Castle. So I left the phone on the table and ignore the ring. I would not succeed in falling asleep and I had to change my ideas. That's why I opened my closet to get my motorcycle gear. My clothes other me, I get my bike and put my helmet. The startup sound when I insert the key made me vibrate like the kiss few hours earlier. "Kate you have to get him out of your head," I said out loud. I was lowering the visor of my helmet and sped up to find me in the streets of New York. Each acceleration gave me a little more adrenaline and freed my brain. The feeling of freedom that I have gives me an intense pleasure. After touring the streets, I finally get home.

Check into my apartment and getting rid of my motorcycle business I took a glass of wine and fell on the couch. My thoughts went back to Castle. I wanted to open up to him at the beginning of last summer. I broke up with Tom admitting that I felt something for Castle. During the party before his trip to the Hamptons, I try to admit my feelings but I stopped when I saw Gina. And then everything collapsed. The knife entered deeper into the wound when I saw them stand by the arm in my office. Castle did not give me news all the summer. I was angry against him to behave well, against me to have thought that something was possible with him. Before him, I had a fundamental rule not to dwell when someone disappointed me, I usually took to their heels quite easily. Yes I blamed him, but I needed him. But recognize all of this in front of him will be too great for this pretentious, egocentric, megalomaniac ... and cute man.

What would happen now? I do not know how I should behave to the police station tomorrow. How would he react? His reactions were always scary, they were still unpredictable. Castle was able to go from a teenager to a charming man in the same sentence. While I finished my glass of wine, I walked to the bedroom. I was so physically and mentally exhausted that sleep come soon.

Upon awakening I gave "Richard ..." I was sweating, my heart was beating fast. As I passed my hand over my lips I remembered that I dreamed of kissing him again but this time it was not a distraction and we were alone with our desire. It was a dream. A shower would be needed to calm my heat.


End file.
